unknown dwarfs cut from the movie snow white (4)

Snuggly – When the original idea of basing a movie on the Grimm fairy tale Snow White was discussed it was Walt Disney’s vision to create the dwarf character Snuggly – so adorable and wonderful that boys and girls alike would beg their parents just to get a glimpse of him.  Or her.  It was never clear to either Disney or the rest of the cast whether Snuggly was male or female, but this universal attractiveness made him/her remarkably popular with the entire audience demographic.

Snuggly’s popularity was only surpassed by talent, and very early in the filming it became clear that Snuggly would eventually become a huge star.  Reports at the time described Snuggly’s performances as, “breathtaking”, “awe-inspiring”, “amazing”, and “life-changing.”  It seemed that nothing could keep Snuggly from becoming the most beloved movie actor/actress of all time.  Even the Catholic church heartily endorsed Snuggly despite his/her androgynous qualities, and pictures of Snuggly being hugged by Pope Pius graced the cover of Time and Life magazines.

But all that changed at the hands of the dwarf Cranky.  Fueled by methamphetamines, Cranky became so enraged at the accolades being heaped upon Snuggly that he conspired with the costume personnel to rig Snuggly’s trousers with break-away Alumo (an early aluminum version of Velcro).  During a pivotal scene Cranky pulled sharply on Snuggly’s pants with the intent of revealing Snuggly’s sex to all, thus destroying the magical spell of neutrality that Snuggly’s character represented.  Unfortunately, Alumo was still in it’s early development and it did not always release with reliability.  Instead, the pants held tight and Cranky’s tug served to pull Snuggly off-balance, causing him/her to fall into the orchestra pit and down the bell of the tuba.  Snuggly lodged tightly within the coils of the instrument just shy of the spit valve where he/she asphyxiated in a pool of the musician’s saliva before finally being extricated.

More than 150,000 people attended Snuggly’s funeral and he/she was eulogized by actors, heads of state, sports stars and a very tearful Snow White.  Snuggly was laid to rest with honors at Arlington National Cemetery.


next: Snarky