unknown dwarfs cut from the movie snow white (4)

Snuggly – When the original idea of basing a movie on the Grimm fairy tale Snow White was discussed it was Walt Disney’s vision to create the dwarf character Snuggly – so adorable and wonderful that boys and girls alike would beg their parents just to get a glimpse of him.  Or her.  It was never clear to either Disney or the rest of the cast whether Snuggly was male or female, but this universal attractiveness made him/her remarkably popular with the entire audience demographic.

Snuggly’s popularity was only surpassed by talent, and very early in the filming it became clear that Snuggly would eventually become a huge star.  Reports at the time described Snuggly’s performances as, “breathtaking”, “awe-inspiring”, “amazing”, and “life-changing.”  It seemed that nothing could keep Snuggly from becoming the most beloved movie actor/actress of all time.  Even the Catholic church heartily endorsed Snuggly despite his/her androgynous qualities, and pictures of Snuggly being hugged by Pope Pius graced the cover of Time and Life magazines.

But all that changed at the hands of the dwarf Cranky.  Fueled by methamphetamines, Cranky became so enraged at the accolades being heaped upon Snuggly that he conspired with the costume personnel to rig Snuggly’s trousers with break-away Alumo (an early aluminum version of Velcro).  During a pivotal scene Cranky pulled sharply on Snuggly’s pants with the intent of revealing Snuggly’s sex to all, thus destroying the magical spell of neutrality that Snuggly’s character represented.  Unfortunately, Alumo was still in it’s early development and it did not always release with reliability.  Instead, the pants held tight and Cranky’s tug served to pull Snuggly off-balance, causing him/her to fall into the orchestra pit and down the bell of the tuba.  Snuggly lodged tightly within the coils of the instrument just shy of the spit valve where he/she asphyxiated in a pool of the musician’s saliva before finally being extricated.

More than 150,000 people attended Snuggly’s funeral and he/she was eulogized by actors, heads of state, sports stars and a very tearful Snow White.  Snuggly was laid to rest with honors at Arlington National Cemetery.


next: Snarky

unknown dwarfs cut from the movie Snow White (3)

Rheumy – The oldest of the dwarfs, Rheumy had difficulty standing for long periods of time and could only move very slowly.  If you look closely at some of his cut scenes it is possible to detect where the Disney artists skillfully painted over the walker he was forced to use.  It was one of the earliest examples of what would eventually become CGI and illustrates just how advanced the Disney studio was.  However, they were not nearly as forward-looking in their attitudes regarding senior citizens and providing working environments that accommodated their infirmities.  Were the picture to be made today, they would certainly have been in violation of several articles of the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Most difficult for Rheumy was the underground trail that led from the main mine area back up to the surface.  With no compliant ramps or handrails for support, the arduous trek at the end of every day took a considerable toll on his health.  That, coupled with the requirement that he swing a 50-pound sledgehammer for up to 10 hours at a time most certainly spelled Rheumy's doom.  During the second month of filming he suffered a fatal heart attack and had to be removed from the mine by Dopey and Doc using only a bucket and ball-peen hammer.  While not listed in the credits, Rheumy actually appears in the film several times, being used as Snow White’s stand-in (lay-in?) for the scenes where she is asleep under the witch’s spell.  Because of Rheumy’s extinguished state heavy makeup was required.

next: Snarky

unknown dwarfs cut from the movie Snow White (2)

Dreary – Without question the most tedious of the dwarfs, Dreary was said to be so mind-numbingly dull that the entire crew would at times nod off as he droned his lines.  Consequently most of his actual performances were never captured on film.  His story line revolved around performing the accounting duties for the dwarfs’ mining operation, but his tendency to carry a briefcase and wear ties was felt too unbelievable for a miner.  When the wardrobe assistants insisted that he dress like the rest of the miniature cast, he complained incessantly about how “his britches chafed without Egyptian silk underwear.”  He was said to have been the only friend of Cranky, the two getting along because Dreary was the lone individual who could put Cranky’s meth-addled brain to sleep.  Dreary’s part in the movie came to an end one afternoon when Walt Disney himself watched a rehearsal and remarked to the casting director, “Can’t you get rid of that guy?  He’s so fucking boring!”

Dreary never again worked in show business except as an understudy for Zeppo Marx in the movie Horse Feathers.  Realizing at once that Dreary was soporific enough to replace him permanently, Zeppo tricked him into substituting Groucho’s cubans with novelty exploding cigars. Groucho immediately had him blacklisted as a communist, effectively ending Dreary's acting career.  He lived out his final days as a speechwriter for President Coolidge.

next: Snarky

unknown dwarfs cut from the movie Snow White

Cranky – While thought by many to have been a variation on Grumpy, the character of Cranky was not named because of his unpleasant disposition, although he certainly had that.  His name comes from his horrendous habit with methamphetamines, a practice that caused brutal behavior towards his fellow dwarfs and extreme difficulty in remembering his lines.  Along with his tendency to attack those around him, his overpowering body odor caused the other cast members to avoid him both on the set and off.  But being ignored by the others only made him more violent and he eventually killed one of the other dwarfs, the beloved Snuggly – who would have been the most popular of the dwarfs if he had survived.  Snuggly was replaced by Bashful, who never did reach the expected popularity of Snuggly’s rising star.  Cranky was not only edited out of the movie (including the pivotal rape scene), he was convicted of first degree murder and sent to Attica for 15 to life.  He died after 3 years in prison at the hands of a fellow inmate.


next: Snarky

the cicada's rattle

Considering I had killed her earlier in the day, I was not expecting Molly’s visit that night.

I had fallen asleep surprisingly easily given the day’s events, exhaustion apparently winning out over the continual loop of replays going through my head.  There was a certain disbelief running around in my thoughts – after all, I’d murdered someone today.  And not a random person this time: Molly, of all people.  Shouldn’t I feel a sense of accomplishment?  It surprised me that there was not more.  I wasn’t grief-stricken, wasn’t frightened; not at all concerned about a knock on the door from authorities.  But then, why should I be?  I had planned it meticulously, followed my procedure to the letter, encountered no complications.  Under different circumstances Molly might even be proud of me.  The only thing difficult left to do was to act surprised when I heard about it on the news.  Oh, and burn the note cards.  (I should make another list.  First thing in the morning!)

My sleep was a deep and coma-like, absent any dreams.  After a few hours a soft, midnight breeze snuck its way into the room from the partially open window.  The cold air chilled me deeply, my only protection being boxer shorts and a tee shirt.  Wasn’t I covered when I lay down?  Another shudder sent me scrambling while a hushed “goddammit” erupted involuntarily from my mouth.  Without my glasses and with only a blue-green glow from my bedside clock I could not see well enough to realize the covers were on the floor at the foot of the bed.  More asleep than awake, the necessity to bring warmth to my body was transformed by my subconscious into an irrational, panicked frenzy.  Hands flailing frantically, I spun around on the bed on all fours while another chill covered me in goose bumps.  Facing the foot of the bed I dropped to my stomach on the mattress, yelping as my arms draped over the edge and my hands swept the floor in a desperate attempt to overcome fright with heat and more sleep.

My hands landed on the interlaced pile of sheets and quilt, and I pulled them back onto the bed and over me, my racing heartbeat slowing to its normal pace.  Consciousness took over just enough to allow the realization that everything was normal, everything was ok.  (That is, other than the fact that I was now a murderer.  But I could deal with that in the morning.  I was warm now).  On my side with the covers up to my neck and tightly tucked around me I pressed my head deeply into the pillow, pulled my legs up into a fetal position for warmth and closed my eyes.  I let out a long sigh and quickly went back to sleep – totally oblivious to Molly sitting in the chair across the room, watching me with her legs crossed and hands folded over her chest.

She stared at me for several minutes, slowly shaking her head at the fact that I was still cold.  “Idiot never did have the sense to close the window,” she thought.  “He’ll lay there for hours shivering rather than spending two seconds to close the fucking window.  How did I end up marrying this asshole?”

the devil's thumbprint

He became sentient suddenly, conscious of the fact that moments before he had no thoughts, no awareness of his own existence.  He was not, and now he was.  Thus began thought and the emergence of understanding, yet he still failed to understand: what had come before, if he was before?

His vision was blurry and he felt suspended in liquid.  He could not make out the details of what was around him, swimming in soup.  He blinked rapidly, trying to get his sight in focus, an overwhelming feeling of loneliness yet of being surrounded at the same time.

Look out!

His reflection appeared to him suddenly, he flinched and changed directions.  Again!  No matter which way he turned - left, right, up, down - he found himself faced with himself.  With each alteration of course his reflections changed too, always out of the way, never colliding.  But the motion was not so much a mirror, it was delayed in its action.  He moved, the images moved.  Sometimes they moved first.  He dodged and ducked, always avoiding.  On what surface were these likenesses projected? His limited capacity offered only confusion, and the frantic darting caused exhaustion.

"You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it."

A voice in his head, but a language he did not understand.  Hearing it brought neither concern nor comfort - only more bewilderment.  As he continued to move within the multitudes of himself he began to slow and calm down.  Nothing to be frightened of.  He could not look in any direction that was not filled with his own form, but each was just him.  No threat, no danger.  Only in the way.

Floating at the center of a diamond: seeing the refraction from within.

He stopped and rested, studying himself from all directions.  Slim, ordinary and naked.  Unremarkable but for the large, oval-shaped bruises on each side, as if a giant hand had held him tightly.  The hand of the demon himself, he thought.  The struggle to escape would explain the soreness in his muscles, but the wounds themselves did not hurt.  They appeared a part of his flesh, as if the confrontation was an ancient one.  He took pride in the fact that he had apparently been the victor, but he wished to know what his victory had been.  Perhaps only existence, and perhaps that was enough.

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."

Suddenly the mirror-ball collapsed.  The images surrounding him caved in, crushing against his frame, their all-too-real presence making itself known with a suffocating force.  He felt their conjoined mass propelled upward towards a blinding light that scorched their sight and charred their skin.  The air was expelled from his chest and consciousness was almost immediately lost, hanging on only long enough for him to comprehend that he was no longer in the soup.  A rasping gasp as his being quelled, he finally understood.

"That's no way to carry ice!  Where are your tongs?"